


The inherent eroticism of being a little shit

by alldaytrash



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Keith (Voltron) Being a Little Shit, Lance (Voltron) Being a Little Shit, M/M, Mentions of Other Voltron Paladins, Not Beta Read, POV Keith (Voltron), Sort Of, We Die Like Men, annoying the fuck out of each other as the ultimate form of romance, attempted comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29277240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alldaytrash/pseuds/alldaytrash
Summary: Keith and Lance know they're in love but in the middle of a war, they can't do anything about it. So they use the knowledge to piss each other off.Rated T for languageTitle inspired by What Your Favorite Ship Says About You series by Eldena Doubleca5t
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 162





	The inherent eroticism of being a little shit

As Keith watched an alien making shameless moves on Lance he considered whether some planets were actually worth saving. 

It was an alien celebration like any other. Voltron had saved a planet and the locals just **had** to throw them a party, and Lance just had to be out here looking like a damn snack, attracting everyone within a 10-foot radius. 

“You must be considered a beauty amongst your people,” Lance was laying it on thick, even for him. But the alien, who must have had rocks for brains, was eating it up.

After every compliment, Lance would look away from her, easily finding eye contact with Keith through the sea of aliens, and send Keith the stupidest, smuggest grin. And with every compliment, Lance’s shit-eating grin grew wider and Keith's patience thinner. 

The alien placed a hand on Lance’s arm and Kieth had to find somewhere else to stand before he went over there and punched one of them. He didn’t know which one deserved it more yet. Maybe he’d hit both for good measure.

However, Keith had just found the perfect revenge of his own. Off to one side of the large hall they were in, was a shooting gallery, and there the local prince was, showing off his shooting ability.

_Jackpot._

“Wow, that's so impressive,” Keith tried to sound sincere as he approached the prince.

“Thank you, red paladin,” The prince replied, sounding surprised, “That is a great compliment coming from you.”

“No, our team's sharpshooter is our blue paladin. I’m practically a beginner compared to him,” Keith had to fight to keep any actual affection from his voice and tried to focus on coming across flirty.

“I could show you some of my moves if you wanted?” The prince offered, stepping right into Keith's personal space. The proximity made Keith's skin itch but he was willing to endure because then the prince gave him exactly what he was looking for. 

“You know you have always been my favourite paladin,” The prince’s voice had dropped an octave, and he was looking at Keith in a way that couldn’t be considered decent in public. 

Keith was going to win this.

“What's happening over here boys? We having a good old shoot off?” Lance seemed to appear out of nowhere, all but physically putting himself between Keith and the prince.

Keith tried to hide his laugh behind a gasp of shock, but the deadly look Lance gave him almost broke his resolve. 

This had been going on for months now. Of course, Keith and Lance have always bickered and annoyed each other, when they had first become paladins Pidge had once referred to their constant bickering as _‘some kind of sick foreplay’_ , but Keith was starting to worry there was some truth to the statement. Because casual bickering and accidental annoyances had become so much _more_ lately. 

Keith couldn’t remember what universe they were in when it happened. But late one night Lance and Keith were sitting together in the observation deck as Lance complained about the absolute reaming he had received from Allura. He had accidentally flirted with the local queen and nearly destroyed any potential for an alliance. Allura had threatened to never let him speak to an alien again. 

“She’s got a point though,” Keith could remember trying to comfort Lance with the words he had been repeatedly telling himself, “Were paladins of Voltron, we can't really risk a relationship right now. It would be too risky for everyone.”

“I know that,” Lance had sighed in frustration, “I know. But that's why I do it. It’s not serious, it couldn’t be. But I could never be with the one person I actually care about, so why can't I look for at least a little love elsewhere.”

Keith couldn't remember what he was thinking at the time but he could remember the look on Lance's face as he spoke as if it had happened yesterday. It was so open. So caring. It gave Keith a burst of motivation, a want, no, a _need_ to get everything out in the open. To say 'me too'.

“I love you.”

Lance’s whole expression softened. 

“Not as much as I love you.”

It wasn’t a surprise. Keith knew this already. They had both known deep down for ages. But that didn’t stop the admission from making Keith's heart thrum a little faster than before.

“No, I definitely love you more.”

“Your mullet must be strangling you. There's no way you love me more.”

“Galra have bigger hearts.”

“That's not how that works and you know it.” 

And that's how it started. 

With everything out in the open and unable to do anything about it, it became little more than an extra bit of knowledge to use to annoy the other person. 

In front of him, the beef between Lance and the prince was quite close to turning into a literal pissing contest. 

“Don’t you tempt me,” Lance glared at the prince with his hands wrapped around his belt buckle.

“You say this as if writing your name with urine without looking is difficult.”

“Okay, let's stop this,” Keith put himself between the pair, “I think Allura wanted us back on the ship soon anyway.”

“Fine,” Lance sighed, though he didn’t leave without giving the prince the universal sign for ‘I’m watching you’, despite the fact they would probably never see the prince again. 

***

“Tell me again why all blade members have to look indistinguishable?” Pidge asked Koralia over dinner later that week.

“Because Galra are possessive, extremely possessive. More possessive than Lance is over his face masks,” Koralia explained, ignoring Lance’s indignant ‘hey!’, “So seeing others in your clothes can cause quite the… physical response.” 

“Because they don’t like sharing clothes?” Hunk asked, and Keith could see the ‘sweet summer child’ Lance often talks about.

“Because it shows possession of the person wearing the clothes.” 

“Think of a jock giving some girl his varsity jacket,” Lance explained with a wicked grin that Keith knew meant bad news.

“Oh,” Hunk blushed, before turning to Keith, “Sorry about borrowing your socks the other day.”

Keith felt himself turn red, “That wasn’t- don’t worry about it. It doesn’t affect most half-Galra that bad.” 

“Most halflings only find it affects them if they’re already romantically connected to the individual,” Koralia over-explained and Keith saw Lance’s expression light up further. Next time Kieth is going to leave his mother on that space whale. 

The next morning Lance walked into breakfast wearing a pair of Keith's jeans. Because of course he would. No one else noticed, but Keith did. He noticed before he even saw Lance. He could _smell_ it. 

Curse his stupid Galra heritage and his stupid Galra nose.

Even worse was that Lance looked good in his pants. _So good._ Not just because they were his pants, but because they hugged him in all right places. Keith’s mouth was dry and he was _thirsty_. 

That afternoon Keith “forgot” his shirt for training, so hopefully they were even. 

That's the way things were.

Lance wore hot pants and Keith whispered “are you oatmeal, cause damn you’re thicc” to him, making Lance miss the shot he had been bragging about. 

Keith wore his hair in a ponytail and Lance stole his jumper.

Lance trained without his shirt on and Keith congratulated his progress in Spanish. 

It was their little thing and Keith wasn’t sure if it was antagonistic or reassuring. For as much as it made Kieth incredibly frustrated in every way, it reminded him that Lance feels the same. 

It was a game they played in front of the others. Their favourite game. But sometimes, late at night when they were all alone, Keith and Lance would talk about the future. About what they would do after the war. About a time when they could be together.

Lance always insisted that Keith would have to visit his family, which usually re-sparked his desire to teach Keith Spanish. Then Keith would say they’d buy a spaceship together, which always re-sparked a debate about who would be the pilot and who had to be co-pilot. But it was nice. Keith never felt happier than in those quiet moments.

Keith could never resist falling even more in love with Lance. 

***

Keith hated diplomacy missions, but somehow here he was anyway.

Why Allura needed all the paladins for this, Keith didn’t know. At least being in their armour meant that Lance wasn’t wearing any of his clothes for once. 

But this fucking planet.

This. Fucking. Planet.

“So just to check,” Allura replied to the king of this fucking planet, “For you to join the alliance all you need is for each of us to place a hand on this stone and say who we love most in the world.”

It was the worst, dumbest, most infuriating thing Keith had heard of. 

“Yes,” The king confirmed, “And our love stone will know if you are telling the truth.”

Kieth almost rolled his eyes, they had been to enough planets now that he knew that there was about a 25% chance of the stone working. Keith looked to Lance who smiled and crossed his fingers, obviously thinking the same thing. 

Lance and Keith’s… thing? Wasn’t a secret but they didn’t talk about it with the others either. Keith had no idea if anyone knew.

Pidge surely knew something was going on. Keith could assume Hunk was in the same position as Shiro; that he used to have Lance constantly complain about his crush, only to have it suddenly stop. So they probably knew something had happened, right? 

Then again his teammates could be dumb as dog shit about some things. 

But there was no time to contemplate. Their parade of doom was beginning.

Allura loved Coran, her last remaining relative, most.

Pidge loved Matt.

Hunk loved his mothers.

Shiro loved adam. Which was… Oof. 

Then it was Lance's turn, he placed his hand on the stone and announced, “The person I love more than anyone else is my mother.”

Keith had his fingers crossed and he could see Lance’s free hand was the same. 

The stone glowed red and Keith swore under his breath.

“That is not who you love most,” The king who desperately needed a Snickers announced.

“Chill, chill,” Lance poorly attempted to calm the king down, “I wasn’t completely sure, I love my mum a lot.”

“Fine.” The king looked placated but Allura was still glaring at Lance.

Lance and Keith sighed in tandem. This fucking planet.

“I love Keith.”

The stone turned green and you could hear a pin drop. 

“What the fuck? What the fuck.” Pidge was saying. While hunk just exploded with, “When was it upgraded to love!?!” Allura looked pale and Shiro was looking at Keith with a look that said, “don’t you fucking dare” but Keith just shrugged. There was nothing he could do about it.

Keith stepped unceremoniously up to the stone and placed his hand on it. “I love Lance most.”

The stone glowed green and Lance sent him a set of finger guns that made him blush for some dumb reason.

A few hours later the shell shocked paladins (sans Lance and Keith) were +1 alliance and -1 collective will to live.

“Why aren’t either of you surprised by this?” Allura finally asked.

“We’ve known for ages,” Keith shrugged.

“Yeah,” Lance agreed, “We are the ones in love after all.” And the direct reference seemed to deal the rest of the team at least 2d8 psychic damage.

“Does this at least mean we don’t have to go to future diplomacy meetings?” Keith asked hopefully.

“No.” Allura's voice was empty and her eyes unseeing. She may be broken.

“Is this why Lance keeps wearing Keith's clothes?” 

“No, that's just because they look better on me.”

“Fuck you.”

“You wish.”

“I’ll fucking kill you.”

“You won’t, you love me too much.” 

“Don’t fucking tempt me.”

“How did we not see this before?” 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I saw a similar concept in a completely different fandom, but I loved it for klance. If you know of any fic's about a similar concept please recommend! 
> 
> Feedback is always welcome! I'm terrible at replying to comments but I absolutely thrive on them :)


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